I’m heading to the Florida Keys with my boyfriend to spend our Thanksgiving break … with his family. Luckily, I have already met the parents — so the whole coming home for the holidays thing with him isn’t too weird or awkward. However, I must say that not going home for Thanksgiving makes me feel strangely adult-like. I hope the week is good.

@1 day ago with 1 note

"Where do you think you're going, Pizza face?"

The stress of college life (and well, let’s just be honest — my existential quarter life crisis) and going home to my lovey love’s parents house for Thanksgiving break has left me with none other than a face on the verge of breaking out.  By the time we get into the Florida Keys tomorrow, it’s totally going to be like this: “Oh hello family of my boyfriend, it’s been a few months. Good to see you again. Oh yeah, before I forget, let me introduce you to my new friends: pimple, zit, and blackhead.”


Edit: My boyfriend is the best. He made me a little package to take on the plane with us to his family’s house tomorrow. Cosmo. Dark chocolate (my favorite). And a new tube of chapstick (my ultimate favorite)! He’s the best.

@1 day ago

Two More Jobs I May Take Up in 2010

Prostitution Whore — As a fan of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, I am considering becoming what Teresa calls Danielle: “You Prostitution Whore.” I could take two approaches to becoming a “prostitution whore.” The first approach being exactly that … a prostitution whore, and all that comes with the territory of being a prostitution whore. The second approach could be more of me marrying a very old man in New Jersey (who probably has connections to the mob — but I totally don’t mind because we all know I love me some Tony Soprano) and living a stunted, yet rich life (until he dies, naturally). And by living as this man’s Jersey girl wife, I would become friends with both Teresa and Danielle and become the next Real Housewife. Not only does this job prospect give me two titles (both prostitution whore and real housewife), it would give me lots of exposure — in many, many ways.

Fortune Cookie Writer
— Now this one, I know my father would be proud of. I will use my very expensive English degree to write fortunes. After eating a meal of pork buns and low mein, and ingesting huge amounts of MSG, Americans will get to read quick lines of advice and praise via my fortune cookie writings. This is publishing, just on a different level. This is prose, just in a folded up cookie. This could be my future.

@1 day ago

Jobs I Am Considering For The Future

Video Couch Bum - I’ll live on my mother’s couch (until she kicks me out or I kick myself out) and videotape my daily activities such as watching the Ellen show, eating macaroni and cheese, and painting my nails glittery shades of green. It will be my daily goal to not move off the couch. The same couch in which I sleep on. Although I won’t have an income, I can pretend I work (like Julia Allison does) from the couch and when people ask me to do things like eat sushi with them or get coffee, I will say that I have a business meeting or I am shooting a pilot. I can take this worldwide. Sleeping on my sister’s couch in South Africa. Visiting my grandparents in New Mexico. Existing on my father’s couch in Newport Beach. Oh — it could be glamourous!

Olive Oil Presser - Someone in the world needs to have the job of pressing olives into olive oil. So, why not me?

Karaoke Goddess - I will make a living singing awful renditions of Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes.” In fact, I might even do karaoke mash-ups of “Bette Davis Eyes” and Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” During the day, I will visit Goodwill’s across the greater Atlanta area searching for glitzy costumes, and of course, during the night I will pull out my purple eyeshadw and hoop earrings to perform. I will even dye my hair harlow gold. The best part about living out my rock star fantasy will be that everyone in these karaoke bars will PAY me not to ever come back to sing again.

@2 days ago with 3 notes

Tomorrow I take the GRE, once I complete this exam … I have nothing holding me back from Thanksgiving Break. The break in which I will spend it reading, writing, and thesising. The break is isn’t going to be much like a break at all. Oh senior year, you’re just too kind to me.

@4 days ago with 1 note

"You know how I know I’m about to turn 50, I don’t give a damn if Steven Tyler has officially left Aerosmith or not. It doesn’t even matter because you know what? They sold out! THEY SOLD OUT. Aerosmith became commercialized to the masses, and that’s not what rock and roll is, Charlsie. You don’t know this because you aren’t old enough, but I do. Did you know I’m turning 50 in January?"

My dad, whom every time I talk to reminds me that he is turning 50 in January. In fact, he tells me multiple times and uses examples, like the one above, to help me date him in terms of pop culture.
@1 day ago with 1 note
I’m about to start this novel.

I’m about to start this novel.

@1 day ago
@1 day ago
“This apple, it’s a gift for me? Oh thank you, thank you!” — ShylaIf she could speak, I’m pretty sure that is what she would have said last night. She loves apples. She doesn’t really eat them, she just nips at them for a little bit… but the whole getting excited over an apple trumps giving her any dog treats or a new bowl of food, any day. After she had her fun with this one, I guess she smelled the other one I had in my purse because immediately afterwards, she ran straight into my bag and dug it out.

“This apple, it’s a gift for me? Oh thank you, thank you!” — Shyla

If she could speak, I’m pretty sure that is what she would have said last night. She loves apples. She doesn’t really eat them, she just nips at them for a little bit… but the whole getting excited over an apple trumps giving her any dog treats or a new bowl of food, any day. After she had her fun with this one, I guess she smelled the other one I had in my purse because immediately afterwards, she ran straight into my bag and dug it out.

@2 days ago

How I know it's almost Thanksgiving Break

I knew it, all the toilet paper in my building would be out by Thanksgiving. And guess what? It is! The best part of this is that the janitor hasn’t even attempted to go find some for the 60+ girls that live here. Instead, she is watching TV Land in the social room.

@4 days ago with 1 note