"Where do you think you're going, Pizza face?"

The stress of college life (and well, let’s just be honest — my existential quarter life crisis) and going home to my lovey love’s parents house for Thanksgiving break has left me with none other than a face on the verge of breaking out.  By the time we get into the Florida Keys tomorrow, it’s totally going to be like this: “Oh hello family of my boyfriend, it’s been a few months. Good to see you again. Oh yeah, before I forget, let me introduce you to my new friends: pimple, zit, and blackhead.”

Edit: My boyfriend is the best. He made me a little package to take on the plane with us to his family’s house tomorrow. Cosmo. Dark chocolate (my favorite). And a new tube of chapstick (my ultimate favorite)! He’s the best.

Two More Jobs I May Take Up in 2010

Prostitution Whore — As a fan of the Real Housewives of New Jersey, I am considering becoming what Teresa calls Danielle: “You Prostitution Whore.” I could take two approaches to becoming a “prostitution whore.” The first approach being exactly that … a prostitution whore, and all that comes with the territory of being a prostitution whore. The second approach could be more of me marrying a very old man in New Jersey (who probably has connections to the mob — but I totally don’t mind because we all know I love me some Tony Soprano) and living a stunted, yet rich life (until he dies, naturally). And by living as this man’s Jersey girl wife, I would become friends with both Teresa and Danielle and become the next Real Housewife. Not only does this job prospect give me two titles (both prostitution whore and real housewife), it would give me lots of exposure — in many, many ways.

Fortune Cookie Writer — Now this one, I know my father would be proud of. I will use my very expensive English degree to write fortunes. After eating a meal of pork buns and low mein, and ingesting huge amounts of MSG, Americans will get to read quick lines of advice and praise via my fortune cookie writings. This is publishing, just on a different level. This is prose, just in a folded up cookie. This could be my future.

Jobs I Am Considering For The Future

Video Couch Bum - I’ll live on my mother’s couch (until she kicks me out or I kick myself out) and videotape my daily activities such as watching the Ellen show, eating macaroni and cheese, and painting my nails glittery shades of green. It will be my daily goal to not move off the couch. The same couch in which I sleep on. Although I won’t have an income, I can pretend I work (like Julia Allison does) from the couch and when people ask me to do things like eat sushi with them or get coffee, I will say that I have a business meeting or I am shooting a pilot. I can take this worldwide. Sleeping on my sister’s couch in South Africa. Visiting my grandparents in New Mexico. Existing on my father’s couch in Newport Beach. Oh — it could be glamourous!

Olive Oil Presser - Someone in the world needs to have the job of pressing olives into olive oil. So, why not me?

Karaoke Goddess - I will make a living singing awful renditions of Kim Carnes’ “Bette Davis Eyes.” In fact, I might even do karaoke mash-ups of “Bette Davis Eyes” and Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” During the day, I will visit Goodwill’s across the greater Atlanta area searching for glitzy costumes, and of course, during the night I will pull out my purple eyeshadw and hoop earrings to perform. I will even dye my hair harlow gold. The best part about living out my rock star fantasy will be that everyone in these karaoke bars will PAY me not to ever come back to sing again.

Tomorrow I take the GRE, once I complete this exam … I have nothing holding me back from Thanksgiving Break. The break in which I will spend it reading, writing, and thesising. The break is isn’t going to be much like a break at all. Oh senior year, you’re just too kind to me.

How I know it's almost Thanksgiving Break

I knew it, all the toilet paper in my building would be out by Thanksgiving. And guess what? It is! The best part of this is that the janitor hasn’t even attempted to go find some for the 60+ girls that live here. Instead, she is watching TV Land in the social room.